The last time i wrote a (novel-length) freely expressed rant i got a lot of “are you ok?” replies and messages as a response…I guess I didn’t really realise how negative that could come across…but then people should just know me better maybe?
I suppose I could have been a little more tactful in conveying my unhappiness or something like that..
In the past two months a fair bit has changed, without so much really physically changing..but things are definitely better, thankfully..
I believe that having known such a strong sense of belonging and love for a place that I can’t currently even visit has made it much harder to accept a life elsewhere. Life’s pretty good in London at the moment, the weather’s even been decent lately, but it’s just not home. It’s not me. And there’s not much I can do about that.
It’s odd feeling a sense of not belonging. I should be used to it really, but having had it before it’s like you don’t know what’s missing until it’s gone right..
I suppose until I can overcome that or work on it, I just have to accept life sans belonging. Displaced and ok with it..let’s see how long it lasts.
The past five months in London have been up and down, and as a result my camera has only just left the drawer it was buried in…however instagram has become a regular outlet…so here’s the last few months..
shortly after my last blurb i departed Goa for what was meant to be a short trip to Pune to visit Osho and do a course…of course i know that my time is always flexible and i ended up spending a month in the beautiful Koregon park and truly fell in love with the place, the people and everything there.
the course was the hardest and best thing of my life to date, and after a month of digging and sweating it out, meditation, dance, celebration, learning, connecting, love and being within, practicing awareness i returned to the land of Goa. what a change to come back here after the serenity of the last month!
it’s true that with distance or time you have perspective and reflection, but a month is not so long and to have such a different view on the same place after such a short trip away is amazing. while it’s so good to be back by the sea, i really did miss the sea a lot, it feels like Goa is in heat, and im not just talking about the temperature.
yet i’m here settling like dust, integrating my work and reinforcing what i’ve learnt, remembering to be present and aware. the realisations of the past few weeks are endless and continual, it’s a beautiful thing…now the future is wide open, more so than before, and that is incredible. i have no idea where i will end up in the next few months. i have one ticket and no future destination locked in. that’s the way i like it and i’m finally more than happy with that.
near the end of my trip i decided to take sannyas in a beautiful celebration with some of my new family, you can read about it here http://www.neosannyas.org if you want to know more
now it’s time to hit the beach, enjoy the song…
About 5 weeks ago, I set off for Goa for what was meant to be a 3 week trip, a quick getaway from Europe, a helping hand to my mum setting up a shop, and a break from deciding where to go and what to do.
About 10 days into my trip, I had seen another side of Goa, the side you only see if you live here. I met people who lived here on and off for up to 25 years, I found the quiet spots, I started to have favourites to eat, to play, to meet people…all in all, a place I really used to dislike, well, it was growing on me….
Having seen this side, and starting to fit in so well, I started to wonder what I was going back to Europe for…sure Christmas in Europe is awesome (and I hadn’t lived a wintery christmas in about 5 years or so), sure I have family there who wanted to celebrate with me (and I with them) but really overall, apart from 3 days of family Christmassy celebration, I was left with a cold and depressive europe, and no job opportunity apparent.
The choice to extend was pretty much made for me. Here I am in a land of opportunities where the sun is shining every day, the beach is beckoning, people are warm and smiling, I have a rad car so I’m free to move, I have a house and so I belong.
This is how my 3 weeks turned to 4 months. Not too bad after all…I’ve been working through the peak of the season having opened a beach cocktail bar with a friend and helping in the busiest restaurant in town, meeting so many interesting people and even being offered some very exciting opportunities and jobs for when I leave here, so who knows where I’ll end up after all!
There are so many opportunities right here, I’m turning them down every day! I’m still looking for a manager to run a cafe before I set it up, there are hotels and guest houses to be set up and run…sales positions and designer markets…if you have an idea you can make it happen here, its incredible indeed.
For today though, I’m sick, so I will remain on the sofa for a change, sleep it off and hope that tomorrow I’m ready to be up and about again.
In the meantime, check out The Black Keys new album (El Camino), it’s fantastic. One of the best of last year for sure…and if you’re interested in getting involved, send an email my way.
Happy New Year, here’s looking forward to the new year ahead…exciting things are on the way
At the end of September I went down to Barcelona to visit a friend before heading off to find a new city to live further north…looking over these photos those hot sunny days seem so far away, having spent the past month in the much colder north…
So here is a little taste of Barcelona, in autumn…or almost. Beautiful.
I finally got around to posting those photos from August/September…it took a little while, and i have a few hundred more from everywhere since then, so i’d better find the time to get them up as well…my SD card is full so that’ll have to happen very soon.
Firstly Coastal Normandy
It may not look like much, but below is a photo of the very best pesto there ever was…at a little restaurant in Arenzano, coastal Italy, near Genova…
A couple of randoms from Genova