feels like forever ago

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dissatisfaction or displacement

In life we all do things we don’t like to do…things we don’t want to do, or things that make us unhappy in some way..

Maybe we feel like we’re selling out, going against what we believe or just dealing with assholes on a daily basis…it can get to be too much.

With a little perspective and a little balance, it’s not so bad…if you have good to balance or outweigh the bad, it’s just a small part of life.

But what happens when you turn around and realise that most of your life is making you unhappy.

You spend your life at work and you’re hating it. You spend your life at work so you hate your life.

You’re trying to work in an industry that you’re incredibly passionate about, but the lack of focus and quality is dragging you down…killing that passion. Is that ok?

You work long exhausting hours yet once you’ve paid your rent and bills you have an abysmal amount left to spare..thats going to limit your fun..not to mention the lack of free time…or the weather.

It’s common knowledge that the British talk about the weather incessantly…what an annoying habit! There’s more to life than the weather…or is there?

I definitely thought there was…then I moved here.

10 weeks later i can assure you that not only have i started talking about the weather, but this insanely wet, grey, cold and miserable excuse for a summer is indeed the worst bout of crap i’ve had to endure ever in my life. true story.

I’ve never even had a winter that measures up. Sure it’s cold in winter, sure it sometimes rains for a couple weeks and that sucks. But this? This is far beyond belief.

Oh and supposedly there’s a drought here. You have got to be kidding me.

It’s mental how much the (bad) weather actually affects you. Ok when you’re working pretty much daily, and you’re inside, it’s not so bad…in fact it’s probably made work better, i don’t have envy for those who are out and about…the only place i’d rather be is bed

But when you’re getting up to yet another grey and rainy day at 5.30am…and you haven’t seen the sky let alone the sun in what feels like forever…it sure is hard to be upbeat and positive about life on a daily basis.

Ok so this is seemingly grim. But maybe it all comes together in a dark place to lead you to the light…? Maybe the sun will eventually shine and summer will get it’s shit together and finally grace us with some damned dryness.

Getting to a place of deep dissatisfaction can be a good thing if it forces you to shake it up and demand more for yourself. A place where that far flung dream of not being unhappy and not working for dickheads makes you decide that you will make it happen. And not far down the line either, it needs to be something you can smell, otherwise what the hell is going to get you out of bed on yet another rainy day?

That dream is alive and well, it’s thriving and with every shitty day, where something crap happens at work, someone pisses you off and continues to grind down your sense of humor, passion and die-hard positivity, the absolute need for this dream to become a reality grows stronger.

The time is now, this can no longer wait, something has to change today, because tomorrow’s not looking so bright and those dull days sure are changing me in a way i don’t like at all.

I refuse to become a bitter product of my grey and crappy environment.

So does creating your very own vision in turn create your space, your home? Is home really where your heart is? How do you go about choosing that place to settle for a little while and commit?

If the visa gods were not running this overly controlled world, I probably wouldn’t be in this unhappy place right now. In fact I definitely wouldn’t be. But then that’s how the world has gone and there’s no way around it at this point in time.

Do we go for logic and practicality? I’ve always been a fan of logic, yet I tend to live my life in a more nomadic, spur of the moment style and its worked well for me. Until I couldn’t be in the only place I wanted to be…then my heart wasn’t allowed to choose and my head didn’t know where to go.

If setting up a business is already a difficult and trying thing, maybe having some kind of contacts and a shared first language is a good start…lets not make it harder than it needs to be right? But if the logical place is where you’re already unhappy, can you change that relation and make it a happy place through creating the place of your dreams?

I definitely don’t fit the British. They don’t get me. But that’s ok. I’m convinced I can create my own space of belonging…here or elsewhere

It will happen…because doing not quite what you want to is so boring

scale it back

almost 4 months after departing australia by force…I have yet to relocate properly. it seems easy to stop in limbo and reflect. i suppose choosing a new direction and location isn’t that easy after all. especially when being forced to leave the place i chose and loved so very much.

so how to move past this and go forward? travel helped me further define what i’m actually looking for now. i thought i was searching for a funky city that had so much to offer. but i realised that not only there are many cool places, but it’s more about what you find and make of it really.

i found many great places i am sure to return to, either to visit or live in the future. but i most certainly realised that what i’m after is a really inspiring opportunity. with this will bring love for a new place and culture most definitely.

between research and answers i’m sure to find a few options for what comes next.

more to come…